Abuse.

Abuse...that's a touchy word to most people. And everyone seems to have a different definition of abuse. The dictionary defines it "as to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way". But what really is abuse? Is it physical, mental? or emotional? My answer, abuse is anything that hurts you in any way shape or form. 
So,what do you do when your abused, do you deal with it, tell someone, or get out of the situation? This question i don't have an answer for, (I'm still trying to figure that out).
I wish i knew the answer to that, i wish that when i get abused i knew what to do, but for years i haven't figured out what I'm suppose to do. Another question is why do the people that abuse you abuse you. Why is that the people that are suppose to love you the most the ones that hurt you the most. These two questions i don't think ill ever know the answers to.
For years I've dealt with abuse and it seems like the older i get the harder its hard to deal with. Cause when your abuse for along period of time you just stop feeling, (pain,hurt,happy,sad) i mean you make laugh && smile. but when you go thru abuse you never really feel those feelings like most people

Realtionships...

So as you read in my last post. im numb as in heartless. Being heartless makes it hard to have a relationship,because of the fact you have to be willing to put your heart out there and take the risk of getting hurt. I cant do that. i cant take the risk of getting hurt and putting my heart out there. Growing up my family wasnt emotional so that kinda how i live now. Its hard sometimes because i wanna be able to do that and trust the person with everything and give them my heart and not worry about that but i cant. and for now im ok with that but when i grow up will it change? Or will i still be a heartless bitch....guess ill find out in a couple years.

Life Numb

Have you ever just felt numb. Like you dont feel anything about anything. I have, i feel that way pretty much all the time. Like im just going thru life not feelings anything. And its hard b.c most teenagers can express there feelings and talk and i cant do that,as much as i ve been thru and see, and done i cant talk about feelings with anyone and it suckks.
Its also scary, because im not sure if i'll ever love because of it. i mean i do love, but its hard to express it and talk about it. And when it comes to relationships i dont know how to express it to my boyfriend, or show it and it makes me feel bad. like im not good enough for them because im such a heartless bitch pretty much all the time. And being numb pretty much is hard because its hard to keep friends because i cant talk to them about anything and they think stuff... Well i ever feel anything..or learn to express it or will i just go thru life numb...

Mommy Issues.

OK, so me and my mom don't get along. We haven't gotten along since i was about 10 years old,once i turned 10 we just stopped getting along. We stopped talking,we stopped having good times and we just started arguing pretty much 24/7 . I used to feel bad about it, and be sad that i didnt get along with my mom. But now i ve grown to hate her,and at this point i stopped caring about it.
 But sometimes, i want that relationship with my mom that all the kids that i see on t.v have and some of my friends have. Were you can talk to your mom,and ask her questions, and know that shes always gonna be there for you and help you whenever you have that. And i think about my relationship with my mom and relized im never gonna have that. And once im 18 that dream is gone and so am i.

First Blog.

So..This is my first blog..idk what to write really. But umm im 15 && ilive in florida.
 i made this blog b.c iloveee to write and though it would be fun to write it. What imma write about in my blog is stuff going on in my life,as well as whats going on in my friends and other ppls life. iDont write for others ppl to read it i write because its what ilove to do and idont care what anyone else thinks or says.